I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
