My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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