so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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