my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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