we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
