8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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