Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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