Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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