You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
