Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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