Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
