I need help removing her.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
