I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
