a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
