I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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