I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
