On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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