Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
