I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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