so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize