is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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