Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
