My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
