I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
