They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
