First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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