hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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