I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
