Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
