I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
