So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
