i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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