Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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