Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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