Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You left your phone here
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