she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
