..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
