oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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