Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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