I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
