I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
