I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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