Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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