My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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