but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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