He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
