I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We talked him into tasing himself.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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