i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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