This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
