I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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