I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize