You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
