that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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