the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
