Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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