you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
