i would punch a child for taco bell
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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