she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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