I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
whose ass print is on the piano?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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