Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The struggles of a small town man whore
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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