I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
