I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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