If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize