Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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