i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
