I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
