she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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