I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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