im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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