your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
