last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
