Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
