thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
